GUIDED BY MY FEARS......

I graduated recently and got a decent job during the campus placements. I wonder whether I should consider myself fortunate about it or not. When I try to give a bit more thought to this doubt, I can see that its answer will depend and vary from ones perspective to the others.

To answer this question I must first peek into my own soul and see where I really belong, and, what I truly want.

"Remember that wherever your heart is,

 there you will find your treasure" 

- Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

I am placed in L&T constructions and the workload there hardly gives anytime to its employees for their personal lives. Or at least that's what google displayed. At the same time, it is a damn prestigious firm - the best of the best if we talk of the construction sector in India.

Still, I am afraid, not of the working hours, not of the workload, but, of the line 'I may loose out on my personal life'.

"The simple things are also the most extraordinary things, and,

only the wise can see them." 

 - Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

I am confused on whether what my heart desires is something as trivial as comfort or is it something more meaningful.

At the same time I fear, I fear what may happen tomorrow, and, I can see first hand how it is affecting my today. I am not able to sleep at night and  that's why I am writing this.

To be honest I am afraid of a lot of things and I believe that some of them are really important ones, but, at the same time I must also confess that most of those thing's are none of my present's concern.

In a nut shell, I am afraid that tomorrow I may be chained.

I can see that the origin of those chains is right here in this moment.

One thing I am glad about is that as I am writing about my fears, I am developing a much better understanding of myself, my situation and my escapes.

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.”

― Bil Keane

I know that these lines tell the truth, but, I also believe that our today's actions write our destinies. That's why I must know what I am doing, not simply living and enjoying, and ending up by making the future meaningless.

As I go through this journey of self-introspection, I must reach out to a firm solution and decision that is practical and just. In my mind I have separated my fears into two categories :

1. Fears of today's concern
2. Fears that have got nothing to do with my today's action.

Although, there are some points where the two categories intersect each other. I think that is what life is - a web of interconnected strings.

If you really ask me about what I want, I am gonna say that I wanna read, write and visit new, wonderful places.

I think I am reaching the climax of my today's journey and the time of decision making is coming. I must make up my mind and set a new principle to follow, one that is meaningful and just, that will help me lead a happy life

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I have given myself 5 minutes. I discussed my situation with my heart and mind, and, came up with the following conclusion:

1. I never want to hurt someone I love and care about by my actions.
2. I don't want to get too much involved with people whose believes conflict with mine.
3. I want to live a peaceful life and die with a smile on my face.

So, that's what I am striving for and I have decided -

 ' I am going to forget about my concerns of the future that has got nothing to do with my present. Meanwhile, as this life offers me with new challenges, I will evolve and overcome them when the right time comes.'