It's Like Those You Can't Forget

Sometimes, you just wish that you forget something or erase something from your past, but, you realize that you can’t. Finally, you are left with two options – either to keep that something with you as a burden, holding you back, or, try to make peace with it and move on.

Then, there are some like me, who find it selfish to just move on and at the same time they know that it is the right thing to do. Well, these days, I don’t know how, but, I am glad that whenever I find myself in some sucking situation, a smile appears on my face as if it is gently saying “aren’t you tired of it? Don’t you see that no matter how hard you try, I just don’t care.” As if it has grown accustomed to things that go awry around him. You start finding it funny when you see that the words that you wished would have found their destination are just laying idle.

Here, I am, cherishing the past, but, still want to forget it because sometimes past is just like a trailer of one of those movies that are never supposed to be released.

I CLOSE MY EYES TO SEE

We live our lives, sometimes among darkness and sometimes in light. There are times when we are all confused and are not able to figure out – WHERE TO GO? There are moments when see ourselves surrounded by mist and fog, at the same time there are movements when all that dispels. Rest assured, this blog will not turn out to be a moral science chapter. Today, I am writing this with the sole motive to discover myself, to understand myself in a better way. 

I am 21 years old and in the final year of my college. Companies are coming for campus placements. Like a few others of my age, I still haven’t been able to figure out my roadmap. There is this whirlwind inside be that has been blowing for as long as I can remember back. Today, I have got bundles of money, cars, bungalows, dignity and hunger for recognition hanging in front of me, pulling me towards them. What we sometimes fail to see is the ground below that object. Sometimes, there are even no grounds there to begin with, only a dark pit. I see all these with my eyes open.

Later, when I close my eyes to take a slow deep breath, I reach out to my heart, where I believe my truth and purpose resides. I see myself in a bright sunny grassland. The sun is warm and the wind is blowing with a wild soothing aroma.  My days are cherishing and my nights are calm. I have a kitchen garden. It’s all I need and is very beautiful. My visitors are sparrows and deer and rabbits and gooses, my friend is my serenity. 

    Then again, when I open my eyes, I come back to my harsh reality. I see the truth but am chained by ambition, fear and greed. Right now I am confused about what to do –    

1. Civil engineering 
2. Management
3. Listen to my heart

I can see clearly that the first two will only tighten my chains, and, the third one is my way to freedom and truth, where I won’t find any lie or shame.

Still, something inside me tells that if I really try it is possible that I will get what I want even by choosing the first to options, the question is – COULD I FIND MY PEACE?

I guess, once again I MUST CLOSE MY EYES TO SEE.

To Let Go...

Today’s article of mine is a bit out of place from the type I usually prefer to type about. I am sharing this with you because I felt like I should. It is not one of those things that I can come across on any normal day. The words that I am going to share with you are not mine, it belongs to my best friend. He is more like a brother to me. He has a habit of maintaining a journal in which he writes all kinds of stuffs and sometimes make me read some of them. Well, most of the times I find his writing totally alien, while, sometimes they have something more than just words.

In this post, I am sharing one such entry. You won’t believe the lengths and ways of persuasion I had to use in order to have his permission to post it.

This entry is very personal to him. It is about a person whom he admires a lot, but, as he once told me that one should always learn how to let things go, and, this is how he tried to let go:   

I unfriended you thrice, and, I don’t really know, what you think the reason behind it was. I won’t give any justifications, but, will simply write what I have to say.  

You see, I have thought of you quite a lot in the past and sometimes even today, but, try to do so in a different light. Being a human being, I can’t just undo or delete this fact. That’s is why, whenever I see your name and the only place where it appears is on fb, it stirs back some things that I would rather prefer to be settled. Lately, I was successful in gaining a considerable amount of control on the flow of my thoughts and emotions. But, you see, I am quite an amateur one and don’t understand, rather despise the complexities of life and the truth is, if we ever meet someday, under any circumstances, it isn’t just possible for me to see you simply as a friend.

I have utmost respect for the image I have of you, that is why I am writing these words to that image. I understand that me sort of proposing you and you accepting it is one of the weirdest, unpractical, and naïve notions one could ever have. I realize that completely. So, I request you not from my heart, but, from my brain to rather block me once and for all after reading these words. Please, do block me if you consent with what I wrote till now.

   

I won’t do anything like unfriending or blocking you. To be honest, I neither have the guts nor any intentions to do so.

You see that if you decide to block me, you will do me a great favor and help me move on rather quickly. The fact is that I think it isn’t really possible for me to forget you, it is quite logical if you think of it soundly, but, if you are blocking me, I can move on with an honest smile on my face.

Just one last request, don’t think of me as a bad or a selfish or a wicked sort of guy/a** h***. I can assure you that even though I don’t know many things about myself, but, I am sure that I am not wicked. I will always wish you happiness and serenity for an eternity. One last thing, your eyes are absolutely mesmerizing, till date, I have never seen eyes as radiant and spirited as yours.

Sayonara…..

This was his entry. While I was typing this article, he told me something and these are his words: “you know what, one should never fall for just the idea of being in love.”

I replied with a grin “brother, you would know better. I never really understood the adolescent version of love”.