MY LAST COLLEGE REQUEST

There always come a time when we have to grow up and leave the old ways behind. Sometimes, that is what the time calls for, but, does it mean that we leave behind all we have learnt till then. The obvious answer – NO. Every soul will agree with me on this one.

When I was a little child, far-far away from the complexities and atrocities of this world, I read a chapter. It was in my school curriculum. It told the story of two people – a man and a woman. According, to that story a time comes when a man and a woman have to come together and live as one. The odd thing was that the parents of the woman had to give gold to the man and the question is why?

The man has a decent job and earns enough. Then, why does he takes money from his bride? You tell me, the audience, does it make sense to you? If it does, kindly explain it to me because I am curious to know the reason as obviously I can’t find a logical one.

Even, our teachers and elders said that the moral of the story was to abolish the dowry system and at that time we all agreed to it.

Then, one day we grew up and the things that seemed wrong before, just appeared to be one of the many casual and usual customs of our society. I guess, to shroud our guilt and shame, we hid that story and its moral in some deep corner of our minds.

In college, I made many friends and I heard them. In them, I saw India and her ways. One very common dialogue that I used to hear is –

“Do you know is the current rate of an IAS, IES, a government engineer and an engineer in a reputed private firm?

If you want to fetch a good deal, you must get yourself a government job.”

The glamour of most marriages I saw was measured as an index of the dowry gift and money, and after that comes the showbiz.

Ever since I was little, my mother used to tell me –

“One day you will rise to a position of power and have authority. When that time comes, remember never to undermine those who stand behind you. It will only be because of their aid that you will be at that stature.”

In our Indian society, we have got a patriarchal system. We all know that and there is no denying it. Obviously, it lends more power to the man and levitate him above woman. As we often see that when we choose to stand alone with power, it usually ends up corrupting us. When I say alone I mean when we disregard our morals, principles and advises from friends and family. The final result is an action based on pure greed and insatiable hunger which breed even more evil.

We always read articles and watch news about the amount of loan that goes into marriage sector and the burden that it leaves on the bride’s family, still, we decide to overlook all that and choose to be a part of a blind and honour-less crowd.

What pains me a lot is to see so many of my peers nurturing this same mentality. What strikes me the most is that some of them talk big on all issues like terrorism, politics and corruption as if they are all philosophical masters, and, turn a blind eye to see how their greed has finally corrupted themselves. I know that rage and anger are traits that are nothing to be proud of, still, I must admit that when I hear dialogues like –

“We gifted Rs. ….. lakh to the groom along with a Rs. ……. Lakh SUV for my sister’s marriage.

It is reassuring that I am going to recover all that when I am going to marry.” All these words with a sense of meaningless pride.

Believe me when I say that I have heard that from one of my friends and I feel really sad that I can’t change his mentality in just one day, and, something inside me screams at him “you don’t deserve to be called civilized.”

I just mean to say that I can’t digest all the charade of being a very devote and pious person by visiting temples everyday and on all auspicious occasions, acting like some idealist by spouting principles on the top of their voice and doing the exact opposite on the next day. 

There is a common saying in hindi –

“ताली  दोनों  हाथों से ही बजती है ,

एक हाथ से नहीं।  ”

It means that one can clap only by using two hands, not with just one.

My point being, dowry is still in practise because it is accepted by both parties. The patriarchal mentality is obviously to blame, but, their counterpart are not faultless, either. Their acceptance plays a major role too.  

I know that this article of mine may appear harsh, but, it simply reflect our society, and, the society is the one that is actually harsh. I know that somewhere inside us we all always know whether our actions are right or wrong. Yes, sometimes situations may arise when our judgement becomes clouded and it is at those moments where our friends and families help us through those times. 

I am writing this especially for my friends and batch-mates because they all mean a lot to me. The 4 years that I spent with you are some of the best in my life. All those moments and memories that I shared with you can neither be replaced nor be relived. They will just become a part of the eternal NOSTALGIA. So, please think about the advice from this friend/peer of yours because I know that only if I can change something in this college, it would mean that I have done something meaningful during these 4 years of my graduation. 

I know that I am very-very far from being perfect, the truth is I may never be one, but, what I believe matters is the path that consistently you follow to be one. That’s why I always try to keep myself away from giving moral speeches, although I talk a lot. I too, once used to distribute such notions of mine, but, as I said that on my journey I learnt my lesson and am trying to improve myself. What helps most is to have those on whom you can rely, who will judge you unbiased, who will stand with you when you need them the most. 

A TRUE FRIEND IS NOT ONE WHO SUPPORTS YOU IN ALL YOUR DECISIONS,

A TRUE FRIEND IS ONE WHO TELLS YOU WHEN YOU ARE WRONG AND DOESN’T

GIVES UP UNTIL HE/SHE KEEPS YOU FROM DOING IT,

AND STANDS FIRMLY WITH YOU WHEN YOU SELECT THE RIGHT ONE.