There always come a time when we have
to grow up and leave the old ways behind. Sometimes, that is what the time
calls for, but, does it mean that we leave behind all we have learnt till then.
The obvious answer – NO. Every soul will agree with me on this one.
When I was a little child, far-far
away from the complexities and atrocities of this world, I read a chapter. It was
in my school curriculum. It told the story of two people – a man and a woman. According,
to that story a time comes when a man and a woman have to come together and
live as one. The odd thing was that the parents of the woman had to give gold
to the man and the question is why?
The man has a decent job and
earns enough. Then, why does he takes money from his bride? You tell me, the
audience, does it make sense to you? If it does, kindly explain it to me because
I am curious to know the reason as obviously I can’t find a logical one.
Even, our teachers and elders
said that the moral of the story was to abolish the dowry system and at that
time we all agreed to it.
Then, one day we grew up and the
things that seemed wrong before, just appeared to be one of the many casual and
usual customs of our society. I guess, to shroud our guilt and shame, we hid
that story and its moral in some deep corner of our minds.
In college, I made many friends
and I heard them. In them, I saw India and her ways. One very common dialogue that
I used to hear is –
“Do you know is the current rate
of an IAS, IES, a government engineer and an engineer in a reputed private
firm?
If you want to fetch a good deal,
you must get yourself a government job.”
The glamour of most marriages I saw
was measured as an index of the dowry gift and money, and after that comes the showbiz.
Ever since I was little, my
mother used to tell me –
“One day you will rise to a
position of power and have authority. When that time comes, remember never to
undermine those who stand behind you. It will only be because of their aid that
you will be at that stature.”
In our Indian society, we have
got a patriarchal system. We all know that and there is no denying it. Obviously,
it lends more power to the man and levitate him above woman. As we often see
that when we choose to stand alone with power, it usually ends up corrupting
us. When I say alone I mean when we disregard our morals, principles and advises
from friends and family. The final result is an action based on pure greed and
insatiable hunger which breed even more evil.
We always read articles and watch
news about the amount of loan that goes into marriage sector and the burden
that it leaves on the bride’s family, still, we decide to overlook all that and
choose to be a part of a blind and honour-less crowd.
What pains me a lot is to see so
many of my peers nurturing this same mentality. What strikes me the most is
that some of them talk big on all issues like terrorism, politics and
corruption as if they are all philosophical masters, and, turn a blind eye to
see how their greed has finally corrupted themselves. I know that rage and
anger are traits that are nothing to be proud of, still, I must admit that when
I hear dialogues like –
“We gifted Rs. ….. lakh to the
groom along with a Rs. ……. Lakh SUV for my sister’s marriage.
It is reassuring that I am going
to recover all that when I am going to marry.” All these words with a sense of meaningless
pride.
Believe me when I say that I have
heard that from one of my friends and I feel really sad that I can’t change his
mentality in just one day, and, something inside me screams at him “you don’t
deserve to be called civilized.”
I just mean to say that I can’t
digest all the charade of being a very devote and pious person by visiting
temples everyday and on all auspicious occasions, acting like some idealist by
spouting principles on the top of their voice and doing the exact opposite on
the next day.
There is a common saying in hindi
–
“ताली दोनों हाथों से ही बजती है ,
एक हाथ से नहीं। ”
It means that one can clap only
by using two hands, not with just one.
My point being, dowry is still in
practise because it is accepted by both parties. The patriarchal mentality is
obviously to blame, but, their counterpart are not faultless, either. Their acceptance
plays a major role too.
I know that this article of mine
may appear harsh, but, it simply reflect our society, and, the society is the
one that is actually harsh. I know that somewhere inside us we all always know
whether our actions are right or wrong. Yes, sometimes situations may arise
when our judgement becomes clouded and it is at those moments where our friends
and families help us through those times.
I am writing this especially for my friends and batch-mates because they all mean a lot to me. The 4 years that I spent with you are some of the best in my life. All those moments and memories that I shared with you can neither be replaced nor be relived. They will just become a part of the eternal NOSTALGIA. So, please think
about the advice from this friend/peer of yours because I know that only if I can change something in this college, it would mean that I have done something meaningful during these 4 years of my graduation.
I know that I am very-very far
from being perfect, the truth is I may never be one, but, what I believe matters
is the path that consistently you follow to be one. That’s why I always try to
keep myself away from giving moral speeches, although I talk a lot. I too, once
used to distribute such notions of mine, but, as I said that on my journey I learnt
my lesson and am trying to improve myself. What helps most is to have those on
whom you can rely, who will judge you unbiased, who will stand with you when
you need them the most.
A TRUE FRIEND IS NOT ONE WHO SUPPORTS YOU IN ALL YOUR DECISIONS,
A TRUE FRIEND IS ONE WHO TELLS YOU WHEN YOU ARE WRONG AND DOESN’T
GIVES UP UNTIL HE/SHE KEEPS YOU FROM DOING IT,
AND STANDS FIRMLY WITH YOU WHEN YOU SELECT THE RIGHT ONE.
